So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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