I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
