He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize