just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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