did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i believe in u and ur pee
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize