The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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