I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
