Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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