I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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