awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He better not be in your backpack
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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