3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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