Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
