She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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