Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Someone came in the potted fern
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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