guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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