why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
porn star boner night. come get it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
