I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
