I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize