I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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