also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
