I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
