Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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