You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
