Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
