woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
