where am i from again
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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