Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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