So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
