I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize