He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize