He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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