The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish you could order shots online.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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