You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
