I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
