now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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