Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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