What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
