don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
