And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
