just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
