I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
