never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
