dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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