Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
