So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
