Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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