It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
