Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
