I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
