i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize