We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
