i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
