we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize