i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
