what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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