it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Bring me that man meat
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
