what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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