you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I deserve this hangover.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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