toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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