You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
