i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
