I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
