i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
