I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
