Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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