i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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