9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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