Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
