she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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