I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
