i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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