why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
