you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
