You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
