Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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