Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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