Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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