My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
