How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We got so high we made milksteak
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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